Life Death Grieving and Sh*t

If you’re here just for the knitting there is only a brief mention. Scan down and look at the sweater a few photos down and have a nice day. 

This is me age 3. 

You know how they say some people are old souls? Well, I am the opposite of that, a new soul or naive soul, whatever it’s called. I have always been new and raw. I’m always learning and always trying to figure things out. I am an only child so I don’t have that competitive instinct from years of vying for attention. I am me whether I am alone, with one other person or in a crowd. 


Me age 6.

The last bunch of years have been hard. There was dealing with my father’s declining health, his death, my mother’s brief health crisis and her death all on top of my aunt, uncle and BIL’s deaths and then  when I thought it could get no worse, my FIL’s declining health and death. It sucked. It left me feeling very open like a freshly healed scrape that just kept being ripped open. 


Me age 4 wearing a wool sweater knit by my father’s aunt Mary. 

While in the midst I was calm, cool, collected and most of all on top of everything and I mean everything. I dealt with everything from doctors to nurses to middle of the night crisies to hospice (twice) to lawyers to electricians to plumbers to realtors. I did it all. I did 90% by myself. 


Me age 5 and Fiddle my first dog

There were things that happened that I just let go. In the whole picture of what was going on I deemed those things not worth dealing with at the time. My house hasn’t   recovered. Quite a bit of time has passed since then and these things I let go still weigh on me. I was raised to be kind and polite. To put other people and their feelings first. I always expect the best of people (which The Husband reminds me regularly “you expect too much of people.”) and more often than not I am disappointed. I should remember that people suck but I don’t. I’m forever an optimist. 

I am still bothered by the comment made by a cousin after my mother’s funeral-“you really are a <insert maiden name here>” because I was stoic and held myself together. I’d been a <insert maiden name here> for 53 years and she’d just noticed? Should I have said “you’ve always been a bitch” though that isn’t what I would have said all the times she treated me badly when we were kids. 

I’m still stunned by my SIL (I have 4) who said to me after my FIL’s funeral “I feel so bad for my children losing their first grandparent.” All I could do was look at her and after a pause say “Oh I know, the first one is so hard.” I didn’t say “Yes, it’s so hard for your children, all over age 21, to lose a grandparent. Did you notice that mine lost 3 in just over 6 months and N is 13 years old.” Oh wait, only one inlaw (other than my MIL) sent a card when my mother died. None when my father died. No one attended the funerals. No one offered help, or even a shoulder to cry on at any point in all those years. Maybe they didn’t notice. Though based on the level of detail of their lives we hear about from my MIL a death in ours must have come up in conversation. 

There are other things and other people but you get the idea. 

My world has gotten smaller as I’ve tried to figure out how to get over, get beyond. I’ve lost countless hours of sleep to thinking about how to deal with this type of stuff that just haunts me and I’ve made a decision. I’m moving on. I am choosing to have people in my life who want to be there and who I want there. I’m not obligated to spend time with people who don’t care about me and my family. I’m not going to feel bad about it. Based on past behavior they won’t care anyway. 


Me age 1 

Happy Tuesday people. Have a great day! I’m going to go knit.

Posted in Knits, Knitting, Quirky Knitter, this place, What was | 16 Comments

Knitting Crisis

I put the stocking down for a bit of peaceful shawl knitting. I hadn’t even gotten through a row when I discovered I’d dropped a stitch about 8 rows back- a center make 1. Not an easy spot to fix or fudge. So I’ll be over here tinking back about 4000 stitches. This is going to take a while…

Posted in Knits, Knitting, yarn! | 18 Comments

Foods With Mixed Reviews

Happy Mother’s Day!


The Husband spotted these Strawberry Nut M & M’s in the store the other day. He knows I love peanut M & M’s and strawberries so he thought they’d be a hit. They were not. The flavor reminded me of children’s medicine. On the other hand N thought they were fantastic. 


Yesterday I tried a new pancake recipe. Normally I take the easy way out using Bisquick. This new recipe has real buttermilk, an item I had to buy special so I really had high hopes for the recipe. I’m not a fan. The pancakes were tangy and not in a way I like. They were very fluffy which was nice. N loved them. He said they were way better than Bisquick. 

So there you go, mixed reviews. Have you tried anything new lately? Did you enjoy it?

Posted in food, Guilty Pleasures, Quirky Knitter, this place, Those crazy holidays | 5 Comments

Happy Mail Day

My Camp Loopy package arrived and I am more excited than when I placed the order. The yarn is more stunning in person than any photo could show. Included in the package was a cute little dinosaur that I’m sure H and N will want. They’ll have to work that out. There is the 2017 Camp Loopy pin with the official logo. The dinosaur theme is so cute! Also included is the forum group I’ll be in for the month of June and the usual Loopy Groupy Tootsie Rolls. Getting a “Box of Fun” in the mail is the highlight of my week! 

Posted in Camp Loopy, Knits, Knitting, The Loopy Ewe, yarn! | 4 Comments

Brain Dump

These are the things swirling around in my addled allergic head. 

N got his trophies for completing Kumon. He did both the math and reading programs. We are very proud of him. He worked hard for over 10 years. The trophies, two clocks, are symbols of all he accomplished. Sorry the photo is cut off. His name is on the bottom of the plaque. 

I can’t recommend Kumon enough. It is by far the best activity my children did. (H completed the math program. It was all that was offered at the time. She then worked there as an instructor for about 5 years.) Along with the math and reading came the ability to work on their school work independently, the confidence to try new things (N was doing calculus in 5th grade) and a love of learning. 

The blob as I’ve taken to calling it is getting larger. I want to use as much of the yarn as I can so I’m going to make it larger than the pattern. Going by some of the projects on Ravelry, I’ll stop somewhere near 400 stitches. Between the stocking and Camp Loopy this project won’t be seeing much knitting time. 

The Husband was disappointed to see that the tv show Rosewood was cancelled. We like that one. Is anyone else disappointed? Then I saw that they’re bringing back American Idol. These two things make no sense to me. 

I was looking at patterns on Ravelry and found a few that I might consider for my June Camp Loopy project. 

What do you think? Have you knit any of these? The Twizzler Socks are still an option. 

Posted in Camp Loopy, kids, Knits, Knitting, The Loopy Ewe, this place, yarn! | 4 Comments

Flashbacks

I picked the stocking up yesterday for a couple of hours and completed the next section. I get a little twitchy when I’m knitting it. I’m waiting for problems. So far the only issue I’ve run into is putting one too few brown stitches when I started the arm on the gingerbread man. I didn’t notice for three full rows and then had to tink back. That’s the worst that’s happened. I think I’ll do the rest of stocking designs in duplicate stitch which is also what I’m going to do with the details on the gingerbread man. It is kind of the lazy way out but looked just fine or maybe even better on the last stocking. Hopefully I’ll have time to get more of it done today. 

Have you ever knit something a second time after disliking knitting it your first time? If so, why? The only reason I’m knitting this is because I know it will mean a lot to my Goddaughter. 

Posted in Knits, Knitting, Quirky Knitter, yarn! | 7 Comments

Camp Loopy PSA

Two sure signs that summer is on the way are strawberry shortcake* and the annual Camp Loopy announcement. If you’re interested in a virtual summer camp with yarn then Camp Loopy is a great option. I’ve ordered the yarn for my June project and tentatively picked out a pattern. Now I just have to wait patiently for June 1 to cast on. 

*This is a historical photo of strawberry shortcake I made a year or two ago. I can’t wait for the local fresh strawberries so I can make shortcake, pie, ice cream and jam. Strawberries are my favorite! 

Posted in Camp Loopy, food, Guilty Pleasures, Knits, Knitting, Quirky Knitter, The Loopy Ewe, this place, yarn! | 5 Comments