Lies And Damn Lies

If you’re just here for the knitting come back tomorrow. I haven’t yet finished the lace section and I’d like to be beyond that point before I share again.

I think we all know what a lie is. I also think we can agree that there are lies that do no damage and are meant to be a kindness. Telling the exhausted new mother that she looks beautiful probably isn’t quite true but we do it because it would be rude to tell her how tired she looks and that no one will notice the dark circles under her eyes. There are other lies, I’ll call them damn lies that undermine credibility. We are taught as children that lying is wrong. Often we are told stories to underline the point. I remember being told The Boy Who Cried Wolf when I was young. The message there is very clear: if you lie people will doubt what you say even when it’s true. Do people still tell their kids these stories?

I am particularly sensitive when it comes to words. I annoy my family by pointing out that words matter and we should only say what we mean and mean what we say. When H and N were little I was careful with my word choice. I didn’t say what I didn’t mean and if I said it they knew it was true. For example if rowdy behavior wasn’t reigned in and I said if you do that again we are leaving and they did it again we left. Once they knew I meant what I said they knew what to expect.

I hold people to a high standard particularly when they are in a position of authority. If they specialize is something I expect them to be giving me facts from that position and to have no ulterior motives when they deal with me. When that trust is broken I have a very hard time trusting them again and by extension the organization they represent.

Here is an example from real life. When my mother was sick (she had an aorta aneurysm) she was transferred from the diagnosing hospital to a larger local hospital because the smaller hospital didn’t have a thoracic surgeon. After spending a couple of days in the larger hospital and forming a plan to move forward the person who handles home care stopped in to get my mother to sign some paperwork. The woman said company X would handle the care. My mother said that she would like company W. The woman said no it would be company X because company W doesn’t go to your town. My mother explained that company W had spent 5 years caring for her husband and they most certainly served her town. The woman then said that it wouldn’t be possible. My mother, who had basically been given a death sentence and wasn’t up for an unnecessary fight, said my daughter will be here soon. Talk to her. Well, when I contacted the woman I think she expected me to be like all the other children of patients who she’d dealt with. She told me that company X would handle the home care. I said that is not what my mother wants. We want company W. She tried to tell me that company W wouldn’t serve our town. When I said they had 6 months before and we had a long term relationship with these nurses. She said the nurses would be gone that they don’t retain employees. I knew I was not going to win with her so I asked to speak with her supervisor. She scurried off only to return a few minutes later without her supervisor. Suddenly now we could have company W. She’d set it up. I told this story to the nurse who came for the first visit with my mother, the same nurse who had cared for my father for 5 years. A person we trusted who was tasked with teaching me, a business minded person, to change an IV bag that connected to the port in my mother’s chest. The nurse took the time that day to call her supervisor to tell her what had happened to us at the bigger hospital. I never got any more information on what happened beyond that. I was too busy dealing with all the things that are required when one is caring for a loved one with a critical illness.

I have wondered why this woman lied. Obviously my mother was entitled to whatever home care company she wanted but this woman lied repeatedly to get her chosen company a job. She was not only willing to lie to a vulnerable patient but also to a healthy stressed person. My guess is she was told to do this and she did it all the time. But why? Does the hospital have an arrangement of some sort with company X? This was the first red flag I got from this hospital that maybe patient care isn’t their first priority. There were a number of others. I wouldn’t take Myles there based on my mother’s experiences. I wanted to complain to the person in charge but as my mother said what would they do to her if we complained. Once my mother died I had other things to deal with so I didn’t complain. I regret that now. Not just for us but for all the other people who felt they had no choice but to go along.

There are a lot of people who lie these days. I see it. I know they’re lying. I’m sure you see it too. I have no idea how to deal with this. I do know that I no longer believe them once I see their lies even when they’re telling the truth. I wonder about their motives. How about you?

About nothingbutknit2

I'm a wife, mother and knitter. Watch out for my pointy sticks.
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19 Responses to Lies And Damn Lies

  1. ReginaMary says:

    I really struggle with liars, too. My former (ex) MIL was a compulsive liar. She lied even if the truth sounded better. She would lie to others about me and my husband or the boys. I learned from very early on in my first marriage that I could not do anything but take the high road and let my behavior and charity speak for me. You can imagine what happened during the divorce, right? She ramped up her game, BIG TIME. I thought people would stop talking to me and associating with me as a result. I was stunned when people stood up to her and defended me based on the 25 years of kindness they received from me. She was the one called out and ostracized. Sadly, she has lost friends and standing. It makes me really sad because none of this had to happen. I was a good DIL. There was a lot of wonderful things to gain. Anyhoo…I see kids at school who are not allowed to use cell phones ask teachers if they can use the bathroom. Naturally, they sneak out to check their phones. Teachers don’t think this is a big deal, but I disagree. We are teaching young children that ‘little lies’ are ok. Well, what is a little lie? It is the stepping stone to a bigger lie and bigger lies destroy relationships and families and communities, and I could go on and on! Lies are the loose thread that when pulled, unravels the best of fabrics. Sorry, this was a bit of a ramble.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I agree. I’m sorry you had a difficult (at best) relationship with your ex-MIL. It’s sad for you but really sad for your children. I think some people forget they are setting an example for the next generation. Teachers of all people should know this.

      Liked by 2 people

      • ReginaMary says:

        I think people get in a pattern of thinking “Well, could be worse”. My first born was waaaay smarter than me. I told him once he could not have graham crackers because they were all gone. It wasn’t true, but he was only two! How would he know?? Welp, while I was in the bathroom, that little buster pulled the kitchen drawers out like steps, climbed on to the counter and opened the top cabinet. There before his very blue eyes was a big box of grahams. That never left me. I also learned to pee faster!!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Both of my kids were the same. I knew I better give a real reason and not a convenient one. It’s funny how even at a young age our kids can teach us as much as we teach them.

        Liked by 3 people

  2. sewadilly says:

    For me personally liars are top of my list of “can’t deal with” Bless you for all you have been through.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Yes, there’s a hospital near here that I won’t go to; they punished a Dr. who had a friend of mine go to another hospital because her surgery team was there and could reattach his finger faster than assembling a surgery team at hospital #1. Patients first? Ha!

    Liked by 3 people

  4. And I am aware that I have “lied” and then had to self-correct when I had more/better information. That’s the key – can one admit a mistake?

    Liked by 4 people

  5. I have a niece who will tell you the sky is green and look absolutely astonished that you question her veracity. I’ve often said that you can tell when she’s lying because her lips are moving. She’s also one who will tell a lie rather than the truth for no apparent reason other than to create chaos. I have no patience with lies. Tell me the truth, I’ll deal with it. Lie to me and I’ll deal with you. It’s a major hot button for me. I’m thnking that your post has a lot to do with what we’re seeing going on right now, and I so totally agree with you!

    Liked by 2 people

    • There are more lies than truth these days. I can understand why some people find it ok to create chaos with their lies because it’s become so commonplace. There are no consequences for those that tell lies even in their professional capacity. I value honesty and reward it when I find it. I have paid a premium for an honest lawyer and an honest accountant. I do the same for an honest doctor.
      Often times I’ll talk about my personal experience. If people see broader applications I can often see them too.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. chrisknits says:

    I agree with Suzie, but in regards to politicians, if they are moving their lips, it’s a lie! On all sides of the aisle.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. RebSef says:

    My own mother lies non-stop but thankfully I was surrounded by grandparents, family, step dads, step mums, etc, who taught us that lying is wrong and as we grew older we saw our mothers lies for what they were. But now I hold her in a “lying until proven otherwise” limbo. It’s sad, but I have to or I would get stressed.

    Liked by 2 people

    • RebSef says:

      PS) I am really enjoying your deep and thought-provoking posts.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I’ve had people in my life who are more apt to lie than not. Often I wonder what they get out of it. They lose credibility at some point so it’s not that. I think they do it to be at the center of things. It’s a learned behavior for sure. I equate it to Myles learning a bad behavior because it’s being unintentionally reinforced.
        Thanks:) I feel like some topics have been brewing inside all of us lately. I’ll keep talking about things as I’m inspired to:)

        Liked by 1 person

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